Relationships

The Break-Up & Recovery

I can’t stand them. They smell. They annoy me. They dress horribly. They have no manners. So on and so on. When you’re on the verge of breaking up with someone it becomes difficult when you need to figure out what you’re going to say, how your going to do it and even how you’re going to deal after the break-up. No one ever wants to be the one that broke up with someone and have it be thrown in their face years later or be the one who can’t stop dreaming about a future with them.

So here is some help on how to dump them and how to recuperate after they knocked you on your ass…

When I was younger I’d ignore a guy or change completely that they broke up with me. I know it’s weird, but who wants to have “the talk?” It gets all awkward–usually women get all bent out of shape, cry uncontrollably and men get vicious and start bringing you down. So to avoid any type of confrontation people usually just ignore the situation by changing their number or saying, “it’s not you it’s me.” I hope no one still says that!

I think a break-up is essential when you’ve already tried working it out and there’s just no way to get that spark ignited again. You don’t ever want to just stay in a relationship because it’s convenient, comfortable, or because you’re scared of having “the talk.”

You just have to remember about the last person you broke up and it should be easier. Yes it was painful, but once it was out in the open you were closer to a new chapter in your life. I’m all for telling the truth and not sugar-coating any aspect of why you’re not dealing with that person anymore. It’s better to be honest than to tell lies because you could be giving them false hope for a future with you.

If you’re scared for your life I suggest going to a public place where they’ll be more cautious of how they react. They can’t pimp slap you or throw water on you in public, right? Oh, and I’m just going to say this even though I shouldn’t because there are jerks out there, but don’t break up via anything! It’s not cute or thoughtful! Be a man or woman and break up in person.

Also, don’t ever bad mouth them to their face or behind their back. If their breaking up with you accept it and take the “L” (loss). Don’t start dishing out all your dirty secrets about how you didn’t’ want to be with them anyways, you liked their friend better or that you cheated on them, because if you do it will come back to bite you in butt later on– maybe. You want to always be looked at in a good light. Keep it clean!

The next step for both the dumper and dumpee is to start the process of closure. Just because thy dumped you doesn’t mean their going to be 100% fine. “The talk” is the beginning of the closure and then next is moving on emotionally. Accept that it’s over and learn from the break-up. If they said you had a foul odor, consider showering more often. If they said you had no ambition, think about what it is you want to do in life and do it.

Start working on yourself. I’m sure after a break-up you’re a bit down and blame yourself for the split. Just start hanging out with friends or family more to keep your mind off the break-up and they can always help build your spirits up. When you’re busy doing things you don’t have time to dwell and eventually the memory of them will fade. This is after of course you shed a couple thousand buckets of tears.

“With every failure there’s a lesson to be learned.”

No need to keep any memories of them– pictures, clothes, stuffed animals etc. What’s the point in drowning yourself in tears? Either give them back, donate them or burn them (which is always fun). Also without a shadow of a doubt, DELETE THEIR PHONE NUMBER! That also goes for their Facebook, twitter, Instagram, email and so on. When I was dating back then I would never remember a guys number so when we broke up I deleted their number and that was that. No way to drunk dial or any sorts of that mess if I didn’t have his number mesmerized. Now with social media that could be a bit hard.

One way to get over an ex is with another person which could be a start, but do you really want them to be a rebound when you’re not over your ex? Sometimes rebounds work, but the success of that happening is slim. It could take months and even years to completely be over them, but the sooner you are the better it will be. However, if your happy with your rebound do not prance around all the social media outlets letting the world know– it’s just rude. Give it time. You may have been the one to have been dumped, but your character will come into question if you moved on so quickly.

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One way I was always able to move on through the social media world was that I never had pictures of guys I was dating on any social media outlet, they never met my parents, barely met my friends, never went from single to in a relationship with ____. Even now my Facebook says “In a Relationship,” but it doesn’t show with who. Now that I’m more settled down I post pictures of my boyfriend, but back then no one was in my business as to who I was with. It’s not that I was ashamed of who I was dating, but I wasn’t going to act like I was in love with a guy I only knew for a couple of months.

Next, stop reminiscing on the good times and remember the bad times, haha. That’s what I would do and it did help sometimes. The “what ifs” and “maybe’s” are worthless. Don’t ever go crawling back to the ex that’s just giving them too much power. If anything you want to have the ball in your court if they decide to crawl back to you.

You want to be friends? Hmmm, lets wait a couple of years for that. I have been friends with just about every guy I dated, but this happened years later. There is no way you can move on if you’re still friends or friends with benefits with an ex. It could happen if you like to torture yourself . Just don’t do it, you may think you’ll be able to handle it and you could probably try to win him over again, but you won’t.

Lastly, if for some reason you don’t take my advice and want to cop-out you can send this generated email from “Break Up Email” to your soon to be ex….